vet bills and kids

I don't have kids and maybe someday I will but this whole experience with Charlie and whatever seems to be wrong him is slowly turning me into a pessimist when it comes to having kids. Its something I never thought I'd say but the financial burden its caused me so far is enough to feed a small village in Darfur. So I've put my savings for this food truck operation in Portland idea on hold recently. The initial surgury in Michigan was something preventable and cheap. Its more about the $780 bill from the last few days of Charlie at Angell Veterinary in Boston. And whatevers to come of his blood test today and whatever happens next is up to good vibes and the docs word which hopefuly will be a clean bill of health and they'll say 'Charlie's all better. lets have a toast!'

His blood test and radiograph from wednesday revealed he did NOT have kidney or liver issues which is what we thought was giving him pain. He's been moving slowly, more disoriented, and walking with his lower spine arched and having a little urinary incontinence, sometimes dribbling without control which is why we thought it might be kidney or bladder related. BUT his test did reveal a high amount of calcium which comes in 2 forms-plasma, which is the normal type the body already produces or free floating calcium which could be a sign of cancer in the body. So now I'm waiting to hear the test results about the calcium. And trying not to plan out the rest of my life, kid free. Its hard not to keep thinking that. I'd hate myself for being selfish if I woke up one day @ 50 never knowing what it was like to have any offspring. I realized today how much more alive I've felt since the 1st vet visit this past week than I have since the tour started. I think that feeling comes from this fragile experience with Charlie...and the selfless love that comes out of it. And I realized thats what Id be depriving myself of the most from not having a kid actually.