Im good at distracting myself in times of crisis. Cooking is the usual vice and up until recently it worked pretty well for me. this past rainy Tues morning, [my first time back home since Nov] in nyc I walked into the American Medical Center and tried a final resort hoping that maybe these cardio specialists and neurologists had the answer I was searching for. They didnt have much of an answer and frankly its pointless to go into an explanation.... but Charlie was put to sleep:( I put my two hands under his heavy head. The nurse gave him the 1st shot to put him to sleep and in one quick second, before he knew itd be too late, Charlies eyes opened up HUGE in perfect clarity like he had to rush to tell me one insanely important last thing. He told me, much like any other time in his life when I was really listening, in one large message...
'ok I know this is happening. I know you have to put me down but its imperative that you know, dad, that I know you did everything in your power to help me and you gave me the BEST life. and I love you'. and then he braced for it
his head was still in my hands and I said goodbye to my best friend. I didnt want any distraction sitting on this polkadotted blanket on the floor of the room. All I wanted was to be fully there. present. And my castmate Lee came just in time. He told me to call him whenever and if theres was any time I needed a shoulder, right now would be that time. I had to give him and this moment its justice and take in every tough ass feeling there is. And there was a load
I cant look at his life in terms of numbers because its hard to add up. Charlie was almost 9 but you cant measure quality in numbers and Charlie didn't even seek it-he WAS quality. He absolutely avoided the rain and the mud, stepping like a proper lady in heels around every puddle. Instead of the expected from a large pet, Charlie wouldn't seek attention. He let it come to him and he'd eat when he was ready and he'd sit like a gentleman and wait and listen for his turn to take over the room when he was ready. Since we started flying every few weeks he's become a pro at making the buck head floor in the front of the plane look like a pleasure cruise. service dogs aren't aloud on seats technically. Or on laps. And although that small floor space is small indeed and HAS to be uncomfortable, he always waits in one position until we de-board. And we rarely leave the plane without a tap on my shoulder and some person saying in disbelief, pointing at him...
I cant believe my eyes! He didn't make a peep! [Lola] better than most people I'm afraid to say.'
a few summers ago at Idara's 'Happiness' cast party at Joanna Gleason's out in the country I brought Charlie to meet Joe, their dog, a German Shepherd mix. Idara Victor gets the credit for the POV, I'm just re-telling it caused I love the story. Joanna's husband Christopher [humperdink] introduced his dog Joe to Charlie. but from the beginning Charlie was on Joes nuts and wasnt stopping and Joe wasn't having it and fighting back to keep Charlie off. After a few hours Charlie's still at it, asserting his alpha-maleness on Joe, who clearly wasn't going to lose his machismo, even if Charlie WAS his elder and had balls...it was Joe's house after all. At one point I realize I'm in the middle of a perfect picture-all the men at the party are surrounding the dogs in a full on fighting match of yet again the disagreement over who was the alpha male here as it HAS to be one. Every last dude at the party sitting around in perfect understanding that male dogs dominate and a fight is always in order even if it makes it uncomfortable to witness. as it truly was but it didnt matter to these guys. Charlie and Joe. Just a UFC cagematch. fighting for their lives, occasionally scratching faces and a shot of blood. And Chris' answer to Joanna and all the women, now standing together in horror by the pool?
'They need to work it out babe... it's ok.' he says, like that would change her mind!
At this all the ladies at the party got up and collectively went inside, talking about going in to make a cake because they definitely weren't waiting around for the winner of the cockfight. No. Charlie never ruled but in his eye's he definitely did! And Joe took a beating but he never gave up his home. Later that day, Charlie walked out of the their yard and into the car home just bloody. Not gruesome but just bloody and tired. like a boxer after a rough but fair fight. And that's basically how Charlie the boxer did it. Whatever he did he committed himself to the end.
Oh, Charlie Brown. Chi Chi. Charlito. You're so cool. You're so so cool:) The world you walked passed everyday misses you dearly. And I'm crying...and making seared brook trout with roasted carrots and parsnips
Ahhh, Nick! What an awesome tribute to your Charlie. And a great way to acknowledge and embrace all the emotions that engulf one who loses a friend. You have such talent... performing, cooking, writing... May you always be inspired to share yourself with the world.
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