Disney & the Holy Land

I want to know what was going through Walt Disney's head when he decided to set up shop in Orlando. I DO know he was looking for a much bigger [east coast] alternative to Disneyland...Florida was just then kicking off as a major US touristy spot at the time and so...that's where he put it...for whatever reason, away from any moving air, smack in the middle of the state and into humidity the likes of St Louis in the summer-and its bad. He chose Orlando because, he said "the freeway routes. they bisect here."

I'd never seen Disney World or Disneyland or anything Disney as a kid and was always jealous of my suburban friends who came back [freshly bronzed] from their family vacation or spring breaks to Disney world. My vacation would be my mom sending me on a jog around the block when I got too hyper. Take note all you Ritalin obsessed parents. It actually worked. If any vacation was happening it def wasn't to Orlando. More likely to cub scout camp or a family reunion by way of our Chevy suburban.  The only Disney I got was on Sunday nights sitting down watching 'The Magical World of Disney' on our Zenith TV with popcorn and cheddar cheese squares.  You can imagine the fantasy building up in my head over the years.

This idea of finally getting to see this place had been brewing for awhile. Ever since Atlanta Lee had talked up this 'drinks around the world' at Epcot and how he couldn't wait for that first day off in Orlando with the rental car and the open road and Mickey & the gang there waiting to take me out for my first beer. Maybe in Scotland. Or perhaps a nice cold Guinness from the English country women who looked more like they were working as 'wenches' in Medieval Times and less pub-like but that's just me.  It was a free ticket too, courtesy of some friends of ours. Even though to redeem our ticket we had to be walked in at 9 in the am. This is a difficult task we've found, trying to be anywhere by 9 these days. let alone coordinate a small group. But we did it. Epcot was the last leg of our one Disney day and we got a good 2 hours around the world, sometime around Morocco before the bars, and the world actually, shut down like clockwork at 9 and the parade started lumbering down Main Street. It was the end of the day. And everyone grabbing their spots on the sidewalk for the big light show that's just starting..a cool mash up of all the family photo's taken at the park that day together with flashes of Disney movie's set to a track of Disney instrumentals. everyone around me just squinting trying to catch their second of family proof that they were a part of Disney history...or at least in the Disney Polaroids.  I never did see that Mickey. and had since envisioned him getting sloshed with Minnie & the gang at the employee canteen. Who knows where he was.

We left after the parade was over. Julian and I actually joined in the parade trailing behind the American flag float as it left Main Street hoping to get that last bit of thrill we seemed desperate for at this point, waving and smiling at all the family's we passed. Sort of like the 'African' women we passed in Africa at the Animal Kingdom standing in their Dashiki's waving and smiling, looking like their bosses were right around the corner telling them to smile bigger or else:)  I realized as I sat down with Kacie and Thomas and the crew across from Space Mountain why I felt so exhausted and a bit confused. I was tired because we were in the sun all day. [And for whatever reason we didn't ride one roller coaster.] We saw a couple live shows and a 5 minute virtual movie. otherwise, dozens of trams later, the most exciting part of the day had to go to the Animal Kingdom. Or maybe it's the nature nerd in me but I coulda stared at that Berenstein Bears tree all day. watching each individual plastic leaf sway with the breeze as if i were on some psychadelic trip. And the animals were just fun to watch, period. especially Sally the Silverback.

But I realized why I didn't have that pang on satisfaction that normally comes with so many days well spent-traveling around, exploring. Disney, as much as it tries, is not for adults. At last single adults. Its for kids. And for family's with kids. When I told this to friends in the show who either worked there or had their own childhood experiences they seemed more disappointed and less accepting that this was what I had to say about the parks.

Sally the Silverback

The Tree of Life

'But its magical.' said Shaleah, looking at me wondering what was so hard to grasp...

I suppose if I had their Disney experiences, coming from a nostalgic place as an adult, I'd probably feel different. I will say from a business standpoint, Disney's got the hook down. They flash some images, play some music and it works. No doubt they've figured out how to tap into that nostalgic part of our brains and keep it there. For me though, I felt like the guy in the room who didnt get the joke...or who calls out the magician because he see's the trick. Either way the park needs a serious renovation. I cant imagine they'd be hard up for cash but the 80's never felt so 80's. And I don't buy the excuse that the unique thing about epcot is that its supposed to be stuck in the 80's. Why would you do that on purpose unless you REALLY did it proper. which, even at the time it was built I know they did not. And drinks around the world, although fun, is not enough to keep the adults happy.

However...we did see the Holy Land Experience the next weekend. My $30 ticket to see a betrayed Jesus walking through Nazareth across from Home Depot, crucified, and risen instantly made up for any regret I felt at Disney. If your in Orlando save your extra cash and go see this. Just be ready. And stoned if possible.